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Grief, Compassion, Customer Service: The Simple Complexity of Communication

By: Adrea Gibbs

Director of Culture and Facilitation

Well Training U.S.



I never had a problem with hearing “have a nice day,” at the close of a conversation, in general, until I wasn’t having one.


Death is as much a vibrant part of life as is living day-to-day. My mother, 89 years young, passed away early last week. She lived with me and my husband and had done so for almost three years. As with anything, there were times of challenge, but mostly there were times of joy and laughter. When we get “older,” things change. Our bodies change. We change. Though in the case of my mother, the former had been something she was continually fighting with…and winning. Until she didn’t. She remained sharp and witty, humorous. For that and the time I was so fortunate to share with her, I will always be grateful, though, it seems there is never enough. Then, again, there will never be enough time.


What fell to me, suddenly, were the duties of sharing the news with family and friends, making arrangements, informing those with whom she had appointments, canceling subscriptions, a myriad of things that primarily required phone calls and, when possible, in person notification. Notification, the word, sounds so formal, so corporate, but that is what is required, painful as it is. So much of it was attached to urgency, especially where my brothers, cousins, my mother’s sister, and close friends were concerned. It also played a large part in sharing my loss, our loss, with her medical providers, of which there were many, as well as multiple entities that drew on her bank account and needed to be stopped quickly. These are the kinds of things that, as a child, no one ever talks about. No one ever tells you that, someday, you may be in a position to care for your parents or have to settle their accounts or simply decide, often within the hour, what funeral arrangements you want to make. I am ever so appreciative that my parents gave my brothers and me the gift of being with the Neptune Society. I didn’t really have to do anything aside from producing the card I carried in my wallet and the funeral director with whom I worked, was kind, thoughtful, and kept me informed every step of the way. My experience with him was positive. He didn’t fawn. He didn’t say anything that could be misconstrued, become awkward, or made light of what I was going through. He was professional but human. I have met a few of those on this journey, though more who were anything but thoughtful.


The first time “it” happened, I was a bit dumbfounded, though I brushed it off. The second, third, and twenty-fifth time “it” happened, I wanted to call the CEO of every organization with whom I was trying to finalize my mother’s business and talk to them about how their operators, agents, receptionists, call centers, what-have-yous are trained on listening. There is something about trying not to cry as you are explaining the reason you need to terminate this or that service or cancel an appointment is your mother passed away just days prior, concluding your business, and then having the call end with “Have a nice day!,” that, somehow, made me want to either scream, curse, or melt down in tears. Because I am me, I tend to laugh at the absurdity and make mental notes on how I could change the world in this one instance if given the opportunity. Seriously, people in customer service land, when someone gives you information that involves news that is tragic for them, whether you think they think it is tragic or not, perhaps a little bit of going off script or skipping to paragraph five or whatever may be an actual human response would be something worth investing a bit of time and money and training into. I am not just talking about people who have suffered the loss of someone in their lives, either. This should be done for people who have lost work, are going through divorce or some kind of upheaval, maybe are reeling from a fire, flood, or anything. If someone has made the effort to try and inform a business, organization, or institution that something has happened, for goodness’ sake, and I do mean for goodness’ sake, the need for someone to have the wherewithal to close a conversation with something that doesn’t do harm is the height of customer service. It doesn’t mean the person who is receiving the information needs to be soppy or overly maudlin. That will produce the same result. What it does mean is the receiver is actually listening to the person on the other end, even if they are reading script number #25 in response to the situation, enough to end an exchange with “I am so sorry for your loss.” That doesn’t take away from professionalism. It doesn’t take away from a brand. It doesn’t take away from the conversation at large or the job description of the listener. It does make a company seem human, if only a little bit.


What perhaps got me more than anything was the dichotomy of exchanges I had with medical professionals. To be fair, let me clarify. The negative exchanges, those that ended with the chipper “Have a nice day!,” rote response, which I will credit to those types of businesses as they are typically not of the scripted variety, fall into the category of daily activity. This is the routine someone-told/trained-me-to-always-say-“have-a-nice-day”-when-I-finish-a-call that is artificially ascribed to being “friendly” and, perhaps even viewed as “caring” or “sincere” (apologies for all the quotes but they do reflect my thoughts) in the workplace that is nothing short of mindless. It is not communication. It is memorization. And the same thing is said over and over and over, again, regardless of the circumstances that required a phone call to be made. This is not to say that, certainly, that response does have its place. It does. That, too, however, requires a modicum of listening.


Customer Service should not be about endless phone trees, robotic assistants, or, when you do finally reach a human, always a “Have a nice day!” My mother is gone. I am sad. I am hurting. Do you really think your saying “Have a nice day!,” is going to make me feel better. Training those in any service-related industry to listen should be at the top of the list. Particularly for businesses that will have a very specific end result for their services. Yes, I am talking to you, doctor’s offices, medical alert services, insurance agents. Even hospitality and entertainment-related operations could stand to make an effort. Beyond the script. Beyond the quotas. Beyond the conversions or saves. There is no doubt, for many businesses, those pieces are important for their success. But so is that customer at the other end of the line who is suffering and still trying to move forward.


Take a moment to think about how people are closing their conversations. It really could make a difference in someone’s day, whether they will “have a good day,” or not.


If you would like to learn more about providing the highest level of training for your team in the areas of guest experience and customer service, please reach out to Adrea Gibbs, adrea@welltrainingus.com.

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